Today I re-listened to one of Carolina’s solo podcast episodes, “Stop Looking for the One” and began to think back about my own self-love journey. With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, it’s easy to think that it’s a day only meant for couples, but it’s also a day to treat yourself and do acts of self- love.
Although I am now in a healthy relationship, I still think back to the time where I struggled the most with my own self-love and how far I have come. Many of the things I did to heal I still do now, and I think that’s the best part of a self-healing journey, it really never ends.
It starts with looking inward
The 2020 pandemic was a major life changing moment for me. I had a lot of time to myself and began to look inward. I found myself in a never-ending cycle of being in relationships that didn’t serve me. I looked for personal satisfaction and happiness from my partner.
I allowed my feelings to be totally controlled by someone else and really just wanted to feel that they loved me in the same way I loved them.
But in actuality, I overly expressed my feelings in order to receive affirmation back.
I was so worried about how someone else felt about me but realized that I didn’t even know how I loved myself.
I lost interest in what I loved to do and even became depressed to the point where I reached out to a therapist. In this moment I decided that I was going to put in the work to recreate the relationship I have with myself. didn’t want to start off doing too much, so I started with small habits.
Working on Your Habits is an Act of Self Love
Waking Up Earlier: I began waking up earlier and setting my day off on a good note by going for a run and an outdoor workout at my local track. This was my “me” time, where I listened to the music that made me feel my most powerful and empowered myself through strength training. I have always loved working out, not only does it clear my mind, but I also feel so powerful and appreciate what my body can do.
Nourishment: Paired with this, I would come home and make myself a nourishing meal, I remember my go to was egg on avo toast. Before I even learned about hormone balancing, this meal was the perfect post workout meal for me. It had healthy fats, protein, and carbs. Food is a true love of mine, spending time in the kitchen makes me happy and where I feel most at peace. I really took advantage of the time at home, one of the ways I show love is by cooking for people, so spending time in the kitchen, making meals for myself and my family was a way that I found happiness in my own life.
the Importance of reflection
Aside from committing to daily habits and pouring love into my physical health, doing the inner work was also key. Like I said, I started talking to a therapist and realized that I didn’t love myself for who I am and was looking for someone else to “complete” what was missing.
So, I began journaling how I felt during the day, doing yoga and meditating (I found some heart chakra meditation practices on YouTube) and spent time with myself.
Before this, I never really like to be alone, being with my own thoughts scared me.
I began challenging that by going on walks by myself and listening to podcasts, and then worked my way up to walking with nothing but my own thoughts. Now, this is one of my favorite things to do.
I even just took myself on a solo dinner date to the beach where I sat and ate alone while thinking about what my next day was going to look like.
Another thing I did, that I actually want to get back into doing, was create a vision board. The pandemic had a lot of unknowns and visually seeing things I wanted to accomplish helped a lot with my journey.
I had career goals, personal goals, mental health goals, and things I wanted to do that made me happy. I loved seeing it every day as I exited my room, and it helped me to feel like I had a path.
Strengthen Your Relationship to Self
Everyone has something that they would like to change about themselves but that doesn’t mean that we should look for it in someone else.
We can be our own best friend, lover and cheerleader. Taking care of yourself should always be your #1 priority. So remember to show yourself some extra love on the days that you don’t feel your best. As Carolina said in her podcast, YOU are the “ONE.”
With love,
xx Michaela
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