In honor of Valentine’s Day coming up soon, this week’s podcast episode was focused on self love: How to Give Yourself The Love You Seek — it was also the #101 episode of the podcast, which is SO exciting!
On this week’s episode we dive into the love languages and how you can use it as a tool to both understand your loved ones, but most importantly - how to show yourself more love!
what are the love languages?
So let’s quickly dive into the basics — what ARE the love languages? In case you’ve never heard of it, this concept was coined by Gary Chapman in his book titled The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. In this book, Gary explains that we all give and receive love in different ways - we have our own “language” that we speak when we express love to those around you. (Also, the love language you give the most isn’t always the move language you most want to receive).
So what are the 5 love languages?
1. quality time
Quality time is essentially uninterrupted time you spend with someone else where both people are present, engaged, and giving attention to one another — AKA neither person is on their phones, watching TV, answering emails, etc. This love language is essentially about being present with each other. If this is one of your top love languages, you might feel most loved when you get to spend time with your friends, family members and partner - ex. catching up over dinner, going hiking, working out, cooking, going on walks, going to the farmers market, or simply chatting for hours over tea or coffee.
2. words of affirmation
Those who value words of affirmation feel loved when they are able to verbally hear it or read it from others. This doesn’t mean you are needy! It’s just how you feel loved. If this is an important language for you, you might feel very loved when someone takes time to tell you they are proud of you, when hearing an authentic “I love you” from someone else, or receiving a thoughtful handwritten note.
3. physical touch
If you physical touch is one of your love languages, you’re a cuddly human being! You might feel incredibly loved by others from receiving/giving hugs or massages, cuddles, kisses, holding hands, or simply being in close proximity with each other.
4. acts of service
This love language is all about making life easier or more enjoyable for a loved one. Those who express this love language might find it natural to offer helpfulness to others, especially around tasks that they KNOW the other person dislikes doing or doesn’t have time to do. If you enjoy receiving acts of service, then you might love when your partner (or anyone else) does the dishes, picks up after themselves, cleans the house/vaccuums, does the laundry, or cooks for you.
5. gifts
Lastly, gifts is one of the most straightforward love languages. If you are someone who has this love language, you might feel most loved when someone else surprises you with a gift - maybe they were at the grocery store and picked up something you liked, bought you a coffee, offered to pay for dinner, or gave you something they knew you’ve been wanting to buy for yourself.
how to use the love languages for deeper self love
Okay… so now that we’ve gone over the love languages themselves, let’s chat about how you can use this system as a tool to love yourself more deeply.
Oftentimes, if we’re not doing the inner work and investing in our relationship to ourselves, we may feel ‘deficient’ and begin expecting other people to give us the things we seek. Often, those things we expect others to give us are the very things that we are not taking the time to give to ourselves.
I’ve said this many times before, but the more you show up for yourself and love yourself, the more you feel whole, and the better your relationships become.
So the first step here, is to first do some self reflection - identify:
What are the love languages I tend to give most?
What are the love languages I most want to receive?
What are the love languages I have the hardest time giving to myself?
Once you’ve done that, try ranking from 1 - 5 (1 = most important), which love languages are most important to you. You might realize that the love language you tend to seek out the most is ALSO the one you tend to have a hard time giving to yourself.
For example: my top love language is words of affirmation - I truly love when my loved ones express interest in what I’m talking about and ask questions about what I am sharing, or when they express how proud they feel. However, on the flip side, affirming myself has been something I’ve struggled for quite some time. SO… learning to practice this love language FOR MYSELF has grown to be very important to me!
Now that you know what love languages you need/seek the most, here are some ways you can give them to yourself:
giving yourself quality time
Mindful self care evenings - have a bath with epsom salts, make it a VIBE with candles, essential oils, a nice fizzy drink, some music and maybe a book :)
Go out to a meal by yourself and pay attention to your thoughts, people watch or journal
Try going to a concerts alone!
Mindful walks with podcasts
Dance alone in your living room
giving yourself words of affirmation
Practice affirmations!!! Please! Say them in your meditations, in the shower, during a workout, in the mirror, whenever you remember :)
When you achieve something, celebrate yourself! Plan a celebration with friends, share your achievements with others … let yourself actually FEEL proud of YOURSELF
Journal -- put all the things you need to say on paper, write a gratitude list, etc.
giving yourself Physical Touch
Self massage — grab some lotion after the shower and take your time in applying it to your bod, showering it with love!
Self pleasure — get yourself vibrator, put on a sexy playlist and discover your own body!
Do a hair mask or face mask
Give yourself a HUG!!!!
giving yourself acts of service
Giving yourself acts of service is about doing things that your future self will thank you for.
Clean your space = taking time to do so will help your future self focus better and give her a clear mind so Keep your space neat and organized
Weekly resets - meal prep, take out trash, organize house
Clear out clutter from your space - donate what you don’t use, organize your cabinets, etc
Personal grooming - Get your nails done, take care of your skin, get waxed/shave if you like doing so, etc.
Giving yourself gifts
Embody a ‘Treat Yourself’ mindset - if you worked and earned your money, you are allowed to spend it on whatever makes you happy - obviously be mindful here and don’t spend beyond your means but you are allowed to get yourself the gifts you wish for!
Buy yourself flowers
Get that outfit you’ve been wanting
Buy yourself a coffee
Get that gym membership you’ve been wanting
I hope this was helpful and that it gives you some ideas on how to strengthen your relationship with yourself - remember that your daily habits, your self talk and the things you do FOR YOU build on one another and are IMPORTANT. You deserve to love yourself!!!
Happy valentines day - I love you!
xoxo,
Carolina
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