“You’re not behind, You’re just on your own path.”
navigating society's expectations in your twenties
Growing up, we all had a timeline in our minds for when things should “happen” for us. I remember saying I wanted to be married by 25 and having kids by 27. I wanted to be a nurse living somewhere in a city. Not only did this not happen, but it’s not my dream anymore.
Being in your 20’s can be a confusing time. You are beginning adulthood but with little adult experience. You have some friends who are getting engaged, some who have secured their dream job and others who are still trying to figure it all out.
It also doesn’t help that society has set milestones to reach in life, and if we don’t meet them by the “standard” age, we begin to feel like failures. The reality is that life is not a race, it’s about self-discovery. We should not compare our lives to others, we are unique and on our own unique path of life.
Our paths are non-linear
I started college as a nursing major, I thought this was my dream job. Once I began taking classes and working in the field, I soon realized my heart fully wasn’t in it.
That summer I decided I needed to do something to get me out of my comfort zone. I decided to volunteer in South Africa. Not only did this trip open my eyes to the world, but it ignited a new passion for me. I realized I still wanted to help people but in the way of community development. I then changed my major and have been on a career path of working for nonprofits.
However, this process has not been linear. I have not found that “dream” job/position yet. I worked for organizations abroad and in the US. I even moved to New York for a job, then 3 months later quit that job, moved home, and got into a master’s program in South Africa. I am now 26 years old, back in school, and living the “college student” life again.
I’ve struggled seeing my friend’s making money, moving into new apartments, and moving ahead financially. Although, I know that getting my Master’s will one day help me to achieve all of that, it is easy to get in my head and feel like I am behind and feeling hopeless that I will never reach that stage.
It’s as if we are programed to feel that if we don’t accomplish certain life goals by a specific age we are automatically behind and feel that we should be much further along in life.
But in reality, what does being 'behind' in life really look like? If you are constantly trying to better yourself and grow, then you are in no way behind. Figure out what you want in life and just go for it! If that means it takes you five years to get there and someone else two, that is totally fine! You will eventually get there, and you can feel confident in your abilities while doing so.
6 mindset shifts to move out of feeling stuck
Here are 6 things I try to remember whenever I get in my ahead about feeling “behind” or feeling “stuck”:
Make gratitude a daily practice: Wake up every day grateful for the life you have. No matter what stage of life you are in, you get to wake up every day and start new, create new habits that will help you grow + achieve your goals.
Stop comparison in its tracks: In a social media centered world, it is easy to compare our lives to others. People only share what they want to share. You aren’t seeing their struggles, only their triumphs.
Live in the present: Instead of looking at the past as a time of failure or to the future for what you don’t have yet, be in the present. How are you feeling right now? Look at your life as a whole and everything that you do have.
Seek out people who add to your life: Surround yourself with people who can teach you valuable tips and who uplift your life. We are stronger and happier when we connect with like-minded people and people who want the best for us.
Learn how to say “no”: This time in your life is about prioritizing what is important to YOU. It’s easy to overwork ourselves and feel burnt out. The best way to feel empowered in your life is to recognize what is best for you, and if that means saying no to some plans with friends so you can rest, then that is what you need to do.
Find what brings you joy: We are our most confident happy selves when we are doing something we love. Find the little things that make you happy and stop chasing the external factors that society has conditioned us to think would make us our happiest.
Everyone is on their own unique journey of life, and I hope you to remember that you are not behind, you are exactly where you need to be.
xoxo,
Michaela
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